Making the Band

Wasn't that a reality show? Anyhow, who needs reality television when there are small people who love to make lots of noise right in your own family room? Pretty entertaining bunch these two are.


Actually, noise like this doesn't bother me all that much. It's the yelling and fighting that sends me over the edge of insanity. I like it when they do something together, even if it is noisy. Musical geniuses? Maybe.

Where's My Dollar?

Background: Whenever my mom sends the boys a card in the mail (Valentine's Day, Halloween, etc.), she includes a one dollar bill. We have many bills saved up in the cupboard. Grandma essentially paid for all of Evan's "Dollar Dress Days" last year at school.

Fast Forward: Two nights ago we received Evan's "Welcome to Kindergarten" letter in the mail. I let Evan open the letter, and I read it out loud to him. It was inviting us to the Open House to pick out his cubby and meet his teacher.

After I read the letter, Evan waved the paper around and looked in the envelope. Finally he looked at me and said, "Where's my dollar?"

Thanks Grandma! The kid now thinks all mail includes dollars. Don't I wish!

New Family Members

We have some new family members. Evan is the proud owner of five new fish. He named them Wennie, Sharkely, Zuna, Inky, and Carly. Don't ask me. I'm just the messenger.


We purchased the 10-gallon tank the day before. The water needed to warm up before we bought fish. We headed back to Pet Extreme last night to buy our new family members. We allowed Evan to hold the bag o' fish while Dad got the tank ready.


We had to let the bag of fish sit in the tank for 20 minutes before we actually opened it to set them free into their new environment.


Time's up. Ready or not, here is your new home!


I think you can see Carly and Wennie. Or is that Inky and Zuna? Hmmm. I'm not sure I can tell them apart just yet!


The lid goes on, and the bubbles come down.


This is pretty much all the interaction Evan is going to get with the new family members. We didn't have a choice but to put the tank up very high. The shortest Forcey has an exceptional knack for climbing and reaching things we never thought he'd reach. So for now, the fish tank and its inhabitants are nestled above the t.v. next to the DVR, DVD, and computer server until Hudson can learn to keep his sticky little hands off it.

I hope our new family members are feeling at home. I would hate to think they are homesick for Pet Extreme. I think the little fake plants help to liven the place up a bit. It adds just the right touch of whimsy. I'm sure we'll all be best pals in no time!

Love

I took a moment to remind myself of how precious these two little guys are to me. These two faces are the most important things in the world. They are love speaking to me out loud.


I know I have been grouchy and impatient with them lately. I look at these amazing gifts from God, and I know how blessed I am to have them be a part of my life. I want to be a better mommy.


I want them to know how much I love them. I would do anything to protect them. They own a part of my heart that is forever changed because of them.

Love.

A Nap Does a Mommy Good

I took a two hour nap today. I knew I was tired, but I don't think I realized I was THAT tired!

We were all up early, went to church, bought a fish tank, had lunch, and then Hudson went down for a nap. I told Evan I was tired so I was going to go lay down in my bed while Eric had to go run some errands. Evan and Spongebob hung out until Eric got home.

I got sucked into a Lifetime movie about identity theft, and before I knew it, I was sawing zzz's. Even if I am tired, I don't usually take a nap. I don't really like taking long naps because they leave me groggy and grumpy. Even though I woke up groggy, I also woke up feeling better.

I just haven't been feeling that great for the past few days. I know when I drop off to sleep like that, my body is trying to tell me something.

Anyhow, I was much less frustrated today as compared to yesterday. A nap did this mommy good.

Off Limits

I have had it. I am sick of tripping over toys, clothes, and shoes left behind in OUR bedroom by the two young people who live in this house. I am tired of pulling Hudson out of our bathroom because he is once again in the toothpaste and the water. I am aggravated each time I have to yank Hudson out from the corner of the desk area and grab the phone from his hand. I'm done.

I tripped over a light saber and fell on my butt as I was trying to drag Hudson out from behind my desk chair. I said bad words. Then I cried. My toes and my rear hurt.

From now on, our room is a no-kid zone. To reinforce our point, I put the gate up so the small ones can't get in. They have been standing there for the past 20 minutes irritating each other. They have a play room. Why won't they use it?

I doubt I'll actually stick to this ban, but for right now, I am mad enough to mean every word.

This Bought Me 15 Minutes of Peace

Hudson was the one to drag the chair to the sink and start playing in the water. Evan soon joined in the fun.


At this point, they were still playing together nicely.


It looks like they are starting to get tired of "sharing" the water.


They came to a truce...each to his own side of the sink.


Dare I say it? A moment of brotherly love? I will say that I just LOVE Hudson's little legs poking out of his diapers. It's all I can do not to pinch those little chubs!

Shortly after this shot, water play had to be shut down on account of bad sportmanship. It gave me approximately 15 minutes of peace while it lasted.

Morning Snuggle

Hudson actually woke up in a good mood. And he was willing to drink his milk from a sippy cup. I think I'm onto something with this kid...I'm started to only give him COLD milk. Evan STILL requests his milk "heated." Grrr.


Oh, hello Bandit. I didn't see you sleeping there under the pillow with your funny doggy hairdo.


Bandit is trying to figure out how to run for his life. In the past, Hudson has not proven to be the most gentle of pet lovers. He tends to hug Bandit around the neck - tightly!

After this warm and fuzzy moment, I took both kids to go bowling with the summer school class. Hudson was a pain. Evan decided to dress himself in two t-shirts and two pairs of socks. I knew about the shirts. I didn't know about the socks. Then he got hot. We took off the extra clothing. This kid is killing me with his clothing choices.


This is how Hudson spent his time at the bowling alley. He was attached to my legs, grunting to be picked up. Constantly. Made it hard for me to bowl. I managed a 100 on my first game, but sucked and got an 87 on my second game. I blame it on Hudson. Who can bowl with that face hanging out at your knees?


Evan looking weird. He managed to bowl a 103, beating the 5th grader, the 4th grader and the 2nd grader on his little bowling team.

And those are the only bowling pictures I managed to take. Thank for that also, Hudson, you needy little thing.

After bowling, the boys and I ran to Costco to get gas. I gave Evan the choice of McDonald's or Costco for lunch. He chose Costco. Saved me some money, and I didn't have to endure Playland. Darn, because I was sooooo wanting to sit at Playland. Then we came home for mandatory quiet time. I like MQT. I NEED MQT. Evan and I snuggled and watched SpongeBob. Hudson slept. Then he woke up.

The boys also spent several minutes splashing in the kitchen sink, but I'll save those photos for tomorrow.

The Dentist and Kidney Update

I used to love going to the dentist when I was kid. When I was in first grade, I loved all the Paddington Bear adventure stories. I wrote one about Paddington going to the dentist. Back in first grade, however, I didn't have cavities.

I had a cavity filled back in May, but it immediately began giving me a lot of pain whenever I hate something hot or cold. I've been chewing all my food on the right side of my mouth for two months in an effort to avoid that face searing stab of pain that shoots through my jaw, ear and chin whenever something cold hits the nerve.

Last week when Evan and I had our checkups, I mentioned to my dentist that I was having trouble. He did his thing and poked around. We decided to have the filling removed. The thinking is that a silver (metal) filling is going to be more likely to transfer heat or cold. He filled the space in with some sort of compound that will help "scare" the nerve away from the area.

All that is fine and dandy except for the fact that I get myself worked up into such an emotional frenzy thinking about the numbing and the drilling, that I end up exhausted when the appointment is over. Even Dr. M knows that he has to handle me with kid gloves.

I also have a funky nerve ending in there that was making me jump whenever the drill hit that spot. Dr. M ended up giving me three separate injections to make sure I was completely numb. Then I had to go and cry because it was hurting. I hate being such an idiot patient.

My dentist is great. I have no issues with him. He was bound and determined to figure out what was causing me so much pain. I just wish that I wasn't such a coward.

The numbness has finally worn off. I haven't tested the tooth yet with hot or cold food. I'm too afraid. What may have been causing the problem all along was what looked like a sesame seed buried under my gum. Ewww. At least Dr. M said that it wasn't something I could have even gotten to with floss. Hopefully I'll get some relief. I was getting tired of constantly popping pain pills.

My little tooth drama is not nearly as dramatic as Eric's news. We both went this morning to get the results of his CT scan from last week. The tumor in his kidney absorbed some of the dye, which leads the doctor to believe that there is an 80 percent chance of this being cancer.

Last week the doctor was more willing to sit on this and "watch it." Not so anymore. Now his recommendation is to have the kidney removed.

We've pretty much known this was coming since March, but it is still sobering to hear out loud. There are a few things in our favor. More than likely it will be done laproscopically. The only thing preventing that might be scar tissue from his gallbladder being removed. Also, once it is out, it will be curative. Eric won't have to go through radiation or chemo. There is only a 5 percent chance that he would get cancer in the other kidney.

The surgery is at least six weeks out due to the doctor's schedule. Perfect. Right when I go back to school! I like the doctor. He was reassuring towards both Eric and me.

After we walked out of the doctor's office, I cried. Big surprise. I just tend to worry. However, I am going to do my best not to dwell for the next six weeks. We have a lot of fun things to do and look forward to in the next month or so. I just had to get my feelings out.

When Eric is going through as much as he has with his pancreas, gallbladder, and kidney, I almost feel silly for complaining about a hurting tooth. Almost.

Should I Feel Guilty?

Evan wandered into our room at 4 a.m. I told him to go away. I guess he didn't.


He is sleeping in the dog bed at the foot of our bed. Pathetic, huh? Should I feel guilty that he just wants to be close to me, and I all but banished him to sleep with the dog? Naaaaah!


Take note that the dog is not in said dog bed. The little dog is up in the big bed keeping my feet warm. The big dog is probably resting on a pile of clothes on the floor somewhere. I guess he likes our scent.


Rest assured, when Evan came in at 4, I did not say, "Off with ye to the dog bed." No, I told him to go back to his own queen sized bed in his own room with his own covers. I guess we needn't have bought him a queen size bed. A $20 dog mat would have done him fine.

One last note, I'm not too worried about the kid because he was snoring soundly down on the floor. In fact, that is how I even realized he was there. I was standing near my bed to see if he had come in while I was in the shower, when I heard snoring near my feet. I looked down to find Evan zonked out. Strange kid.

Church Clothes

I wish I had taken a picture of this yesterday, but I didn't. My description will have to do.

Yesterday I told Evan to go get dressed in some nice clothes because we were going to church. When I said nice clothes, in my mind I pictured his new plaid shorts and the polo shirt with a collar. Apparently my version of nice clothes is different from Evan's version.

Poor fashion challenged child came out of his room in gray shorts, a long-sleeve (it was 112 yesterday) collarless button down blue shirt, and his clip-on tie from school hanging off the top button. Both Eric and I tried not to laugh. We weren't too successful at that. Evan was hurt.

The only way we convinced him to go change was to promise him that we'd go shopping after church to get him some "church clothes." All through church he kept asking if it was time to get his clothes. Not yet. In a little bit.

Once church was over, we headed to Kohl's. It was the first time I ever had to take Evan into a dressing room to try on clothes. Before this, I was always able to get him the size that matched his age. Now it's getting trickier.

The child is very thin, but he's not short. I wasn't sure whether or not to go with 4-Slim pants or 5-Slim. We ended up with the 5's giving him room to grow. He was preening in front of that dressing room mirror though! I wish I'd gotten a picture of that!

He ended up with a pair of khaki pants, khaki shorts, a proper short-sleeved button down shirt and one more polo. He was also told that these clothes are only for church. I think now he's looking forward to church next week! He may not behave any better, but at least he'll look nice.

You Can't Pause Life

I have to preface this little story with the information that we have DVRs attached to both of our televisions, and Evan indeed knows how to use the remotes. He learned very quickly that he could pause his shows to avoid missing anything crucial that SpongeBob might have said!

Last week Evan was at Summer School with me. I asked the kids to gather around me on the floor so I could read a story to everyone. Evan was jumping around trying to get settled. I started reading the story. Suddenly Evan called out, "Mom, could you pause it? I need to go to the bathroom!"

I busted up laughing! Sure, Honey, we'll just put a "pause" on life. Oh how I wish I could sometimes.

Weaning

Yesterday I threw out all of Hudson's bottles and replaced them with the sippy cups shown here. Yes, I know this should have been done months ago, but it wasn't.

Hudson is fully capable of drinking from a sippy cup and from a regular cup. He can even drink from a water bottle without wrapping his entire mouth around the opening. But when it comes to warm milk and nap or bedtime, he wants his baa.

I am currently listening to him in his room screaming as though the sky were falling. It's not. He has a fresh diaper. He has his blankey. He has his puppy toy. He even has a sippy cup of warm milk. He doesn't like the sippy cup. And he's letting me know.

I am resisting the urge to run in there and comfort him. He doesn't need comfort. He knows how to go to sleep. He has milk. He's not deprived. He's not hurt. Maybe emotionally, but other than that he's fine.

In case you didn't understand, I'm writing all these things to convince myself! Hopefully he'll come to the quick realization that the milk will only be served in sippy cups from now on. The sooner he gets with the program, the happier he'll be.

Oh, and I do know that I'm not supposed to put him down to sleep with milk. However, we can only tackle one vice at a time.

Bust a Move

Evan brought home from daycare the game Twister Moves. Let me tell you, the amount of fun I had playing this nifty game was astounding! I was having so much fun that I had to tell Evan that I needed to just watch. Here he is dancing his little socks off. I'm not really sure where he picked up his moves!

More Doctor Stuff

Eric has to have a CT scan taken of his kidney today. He's set to have this done in less than an hour. They need to have his kidney "shiny," so he has to drink this lemon-lime thick liquid called barium sulfate suspension. Mmmmm! Yummy!

Hopefully this will be the last of the procedures before the final step of having Eric's kidney removed. At least this scan will tell us if the tumor has grown any since it was discovered in March. Surgery could possibly be at the end of August or early September.

Tired Boy

This little man has been attending football camp at my school this week. Coach has them running passes, guarding, catching throws, and just all out working hard.

Evan was so tired and sore yesterday. He told me that his legs hurt, and his muscles hurt, and his neck hurts, and his bones hurt! When I said, "Your bones hurt?" he answered with that tone only a 4-year-old can pull off, "Yeeeessss! Bones can hurt you know!"

The kid refused to sleep yesterday afternoon, but his mother got smart today. I refused to turn on the tv, therefore almost guaranteeing myself some quiet time once he drifted off. What my plan didn't foresee was the child stripping nude, dragging out his sleeping bag to lay right next to my desk, and draping himself with my robe because he was catching a chill in this 104 degree heat!

Hey, whatever it takes, I guess. He really needed to rest after the amount of energy he has been spending at camp. The circles under his eyes were starting to look permanent. Now I just hope he goes to sleep tonight!

Oh, and the fuzzy black and white thing at the top left of the photo is our dog, Bandit, hopping over Evan as he sleeps. This is not the best place in the house for a sleeping bag: right next to the sliding glass door, the dog door, and my computer. Evan, however, doesn't have a problem with any of it.

No Satisfaction

Ha ha! Get your minds out of the gutter people! That is not what the title of this post refers to. Instead it is a bit deeper than that.

I am going to speak in very general terms, but I need to get something off my chest and out of my mind. I learned today that taking the high road is the right thing to do, but it certainly doesn't leave a whole lot of satisfaction.

Today I received an email from someone who is not a friend. This person took it upon herself to give me unsolicited advice and to chastise me for what she termed as my "rude" behavior at my dad's funeral (which she did not attend). Feeling stunned is putting it mildly. I could not fathom why she would want to write to me to give me her opinion, but I also am flabbergasted that she would have any opinion whatsoever in regards to my behavior at my father's service.

The nasty icky part of me wanted to write back to this person giving her a piece of my mind. I wanted to say mean, hurtful things to make her feel bad the way she made me feel bad. I wanted to ask her what in the world I had done to her to make her think it would be acceptable for her to judge me and then let me know about it.

Do I judge people? Sure I do. I think we all do. However, I try not to blatantly tell people rude and inconsiderate things. I try to keep to that old adage of, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Ironically, ever since my dad's funeral, I have been making more of a private effort to be less judgmental and less gossipy. Losing a loved one sure puts that into perspective. Life is so short. I'll admit, though, I'm having a REALLY hard time not judging this person right now.

I guess it boils down to the fact that I'm mad. I'm mad that she would dare speak to me about the funeral. She is not someone who cares about me or my family. I just feel like she has no right to make comments about anything that may or may not have happened.

People always say to not let it get to you. I am trying, but she did get to me. Any time my dad's funeral is brought up, it brings sad memories to the front of my mind. This email was not written with love and compassion. It was written to hurt. And it did.

Maybe now I can let go of the bitter feelings I've had all afternoon. By the way, I did respond to her and told her how wonderful it was to know that I have so many people, including her, caring and worrying about my family as we grieve. Then I promptly blocked her from being able to send any more emails.

High road? Yes. Satisfaction? Not really. I guess that means I'm human.

A Very Merry UnBirthday

Evan and I made cupcakes today. He did a great job cracking all three eggs without getting any shells in the batter. I even had him figure out which measuring cups to use.

Evan then asked me if we could put candles in the cupcakes for his birthday. I told him it wasn't his birthday. He asked if we could pretend! Who am I to squash an unbirthday party?!

Little Shadow

I have a little shadow, and his name is Hudson. This shadow follows me where ever I go. Funny thing about this shadow, though, is that he squeals and cries when I get too far away from him. Shadows aren't supposed to make noise.

As of late this shadow has gotten rather clingy. I wouldn't call him my shadow anymore. I'd call him my new appendage. He must be attached to my body at all times, especially when we are out of the house where it is soooo easy to carry him all the time. My discomfort doesn't bother the shadow. He has high demands for closeness.

My little shadow also doesn't talk very much, but makes many LOUD sounds to get his point across. It is frustrating trying to figure out what he wants, especially when he is grouchy and tired. Then he just stands and screams and waves his little shadowy arms around.

I'm tired. I'm just worn out. I am trying to keep in mind that in a few short years, this little shadow will actually leave me alone, and then I might wish for these days.

Quick Trip

We took a quick trip down to Bakersfield to see Mama and Papa (Eric's parents). It was a nice visit. Hudson was a little insane, but we had a nice time talking and catching up with each other.

We found out that Hudson is able to climb out of his pack-n-play. Luckily he's not sleeping in that very often. I have serious doubts about taking him anywhere anytime soon! Poor kid is so off his schedule that he was inconsolable this afternoon. I hope he gets a good night's sleep tonight.

One super cool thing that happened (at least in my opinion it was super cool) is that Hudson started calling me by name. He would say, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom." With each "mom," his voice would get a little louder and intense. I have to admit, I ate it up! Eric has had the pleasure of being called "Day Day" for months now. Hudson never calls me by name. I think it surprised and pleased Hudson to know that he could say Mom, and I would turn and respond to him. His little face would light up in smiles when I answered him.

I am ashamed I did not take my camera to get any grandparent photos. Bad Heather. Eric took the big camera, but it never made it out of it's case. Next time.

Visit to the Fire Station

Today the boys and I drove down to Hanford to have lunch with Daddy. Since Eric fixes all the computers for the city, he arranged for the Fire Chief to give us a tour of the station. Evan had a ball jumping in and out of the various fire trucks. Hudson...not so much.


Evan could barely see over the steering wheel, but he sure loved being up high in the truck.


Chief buckled him in so he wouldn't fall out. It's a long drop to the ground. Just getting in and out of the trucks would wear me out!


This is how Hudson spent the tour. If I took two steps away from him, he'd start screaming. I'm not sure why he is such a fearful little thing when it comes to people.


Evan checking out the top of another fire truck. This kid is so lucky sometimes. Chief let him explore everything!


It takes a lot of strength to hold those hoses!


I stuck Hudson on the back of a fire truck just to get him off of me for a few seconds. You can see how that went over.


At the end of our visit, Chief dressed Evan in turnouts. He was engulfed by the huge jacket, but was loving every minute of it.


Ready to go fight fires.


These are the shirts that the fire fighters wear when they are fighting brush fires.

Evan thoroughly enjoyed his afternoon. Hudson was happy once I got him a Sprite.

Little Wizard

We went to the water park for a few hours today. It always wears us out. As Hudson climbed back in the car to go home, he grabbed the hat we got at the circus. It only takes us about seven minutes to get home, but he fell asleep. I thought he looked especially sweet sleeping with the hat on his head.


Maybe he is in secret training to join up with Harry Potter!

A Conversation

Evan and I had a conversation this morning in the car. He heard me leaving a phone message for my mom and asked if I was leaving a message for Dad.

Me: No, I was leaving a message for Grandma.

Evan: Are we going to see her?

Me: No. Do you want to go see Grandma?

Evan: Yes.

Me: Do you miss Grandma?

Evan: Yes.

Me: Do you miss Grandpa?

Evan: Yes.

Me: Do you remember why we can't see Grandpa anymore?

Evan: Yes, because he died.

Me: Where is Grandpa?

Evan: He is in Heaven with God.

Me: Do you think Grandpa is happy?

Evan: Yes, because so many people still love him.

Me: You are right.

Evan: Hey, look at that tractor!

Four-year-old simplicity at its best. The conversation made me smile. Yes, Little Man, a lot of people still love Grandpa.

Checkin' Out Books

Evan earned the privilege of receiving his very own library card today. Our summer school class took a walking field trip to the downtown library. It was a nice walk that took us about 20 minutes each way.

Evan is no stranger to the library, but I've never bothered to get him his own card. Truth be told, I never even thought about it until my principal told the summer school kids that they could all get one by filling out the form. Hmmm, I thought. Maybe the Peanut would like his own card. Oh boy did he ever!


Here he is with his card. He informed me earlier that he was going to put his card in his wallet. I told him he didn't have a wallet. That didn't deter him. He replied that when he gets older he will have a wallet to put lots of cards in like Mom and Dad. I thought that was pretty cute. Wallet or not, he hung onto that card all afternoon.


The first books officially checked out with the new card.

And what did my Catholic boy pick out as one of his first books? Well, none other than the classic, "When Mindy Saved Hanukkah." Let's not forget Mommy's absolute favorite, "Star Wars The Story of Darth Vader." Let's just say that I refuse to ever watch Star Wars again. NEVER. In my entire life I will never voluntarily watch those movies ever again. Yes, there is a reason behind that. Maybe I'll share it another time. The third book is some pirate chapter book. Perfect choices for my random child.


And this is how I look after a day of walking with 15 kids to the library, spending a few more hours with the summer school kids doing computers, water play, money counting, and computer time, shopping for a refrigerator (for school, not for me), getting an ice cream with Evan, picking up Hudson, running to the grocery store, running over Evan's fingers with the cart (another story for another day), cooking dinner, doing dishes, and putting children to bed. At least my hair looks kinda pretty fluffed up around the pillow!

Kidney Update

Eric had a follow-up today after his procedure a week and a half ago. It was decided to do another CT scan. Then he'll have his kidney removed. Now we are looking at late August, early September for surgery.

A good piece of news is that the tiny tumor they found in his bladder came back negative for cancer. That has lowered his odds of having kidney cancer down to 70 percent from 90 percent. He may indeed just have a cyst. The kidney still has to go, however.

We are blessed to have found this early. We are blessed to have good insurance. We are blessed to have time to handle it properly.

Family Bath Time

Bath time around here is no private matter. In fact, it's the opposite. The kids think nothing of tearing their clothes off the minute they hear the shower or bathtub running, even if the bath is NOT for them!

Maybe this is my fault because I often would take a bath with them when they were babies. It was easier to clean a slippery, wiggly little body when I was physically in the tub as well. Maybe they just instinctively remember those days and want to continue the memories?

I gave Hudson his bath this evening (I was not in the tub with him), and then it was Evan's turn for a shower. They used to bathe together, but then Evan turned four and decided that he was grown up enough to take a shower. Eric usually sits in the bathroom supervising, but not helping...because Evan can do it by HIMSELF!!! (Evan's words, not mine.) However, this didn't stop the rest of the family from joining in the fun in the smallest bathroom around.


I know Eric is sitting on the toilet, but I swear he is fully clothed and just watching Evan in the shower! Hudson's bath was over, but he still had to be a part of the bathroom action. Apparently Mac T needed some attention as well. It's a grand old party in there!


Hudson was also playing with a light saber. Perfect toy to play with in a tiny bathroom. There's absolutely no chance of poking someone's eye out!


Hmmm. Maybe he does mind having his private bath time invaded!


This is Hudson's excited face. It's also the expression he makes when he knows he did something wrong, but he thinks he's getting away with it. Whatever the reason, it always makes me smile.

Circus

We went to the circus this afternoon. It was a good show, but it was bittersweet for me. My dad always liked the circus, and we went many times as kids. I found myself crying in the middle of Selland Arena.

I know my dad hasn't been gone that long, but I wonder when these "kick in the gut" moments will stop. I guess every holiday, event, and show that we see without my dad will get easier. It's just painful going through the process.


Eric and the boys before the circus began. It was hard to get good pictures because there were so many people wandering around down on the floor of the arena. Hudson had enormous eyes taking it all in.


I happened to catch a clown nose while we were walking around on the floor. I think Eric would make a great clown!

Happy Fourth of July

Hudson says, "Happy Fourth of July!"


We spent a nice Fourth of July together as a family here in town. My mom and sister joined us around noon, and we enjoyed time eating, playing a game, watching the kids swim, and oohing and aahing at fireworks.


Hudson and Evan really enjoyed running and jumping into their little baby pool.


Hudson tried to escape.


Back inside, Evan serenaded us with a song or two.


Hudson loves his Aunt Tiffy.

It wasn't until my mom and sister left for the evening that I felt sad that my dad wasn't here. It's just strange not having him sit in his spot on the couch or enjoy the fireworks outside. He especially liked patriotic music, and he always loved eating Eric's tri-tip.

I made the comment to Eric as we watched the Boston Pops on tv that I wished the pride that we see and feel on the Fourth of July would last all year. Imagine if people felt this proud on a random day in October or March. I just know that I am proud to be a citizen of the greatest country there is.