A Meat Aisle Expert

I am so not an expert on meat. You know, meat. Steak, chicken, pork, fish. However, I was sharing with some friends that we are trying to eat a bit lighter around here, and I listed some of our dinners lately: chicken, pork chops, flank steak. My friends thought those meals sounded truly wonderful and wondered what our not so light meals consisted of. I got a chuckle out of their chuckle. They seem to think I am a meat expert, but I'm not!

You see, I have this fear of the meat aisle. I love to eat meat. I don't even mind cooking meat. However, buying it is so haaaarrrrdddd! I can't tell you the amount of times that I have stood in the meat aisle at the grocery store wondering what the difference was between a ribeye and a t-bone steak. I usually end up calling Eric with the greeting of, "Guess which aisle I am standing in?" He always guesses correctly. Then he has to guide me through the meat choices. He's a smarter meat man than me.

Now after being married to a meat-loving man for nearly six years, I am finally making peace with the meat aisle. I know my flank steaks from my ribeyes, I know my beef ribs from my pork ribs, and I know that I like to buy my salmon at Costco. With that being said, I have to share a little story that illustrates how dumb I can be when it comes to meat or cooking in general.


This is a picture of a delicious little snack that my sister included in our family cookbook. These little bacon-wrapped wieners are drizzled with brown sugar and baked until crispy. They are so yummy and are the perfect holiday appetizer. However, I have two funny stories where these little beauties are concerned.

The first story involves my first attempt at making the little snacks. I wandered all over the meat aisle (see above for my ineptness in the meat aisle) looking for the bacon wrapped weenies. I found the bacon, and I found the sausages, but I could not find the two of them pre-wrapped. I nearly rang the bell for the meat man to show me where I could find the bacon-wrapped weenies. I am SO GLAD I did not do that. Much to my embarrassment, the weenies don't come pre-wrapped. I think I ended up calling Eric to ask where to find them. He laughed so hard he could hardly talk as I stood in the store trying not to cry. Finally he squeaked out that you buy the two meats and physically wrap them yourself. Hmmm, who knew? Apparently everyone but me!

The second funny story regarding these delightful things involves me taking them to a birthday party. My friend invited a bunch of us to her house to eat and see a movie. She asked everyone to bring a dish. I decided to bring these because they are always a hit. The only problem is that my friend is Seventh Day Adventist, and they do not eat pork. No problem, I thought to myself. Instead of buying miniature pork sausages, I'll buy the beef version. Problem solved. It never occurred to me standing in the store holding a pound of BACON in my hands that this was also a pork product. It didn't hit me until I was half done making the little suckers. Luckily my friend has a great sense of humor and wasn't worried about the pork.

So there you have it. While I like meat, I am not so smart when it comes to meat.